Marisa and her husband were trapped on a flight at 36,000 feet when she had a mental breakdown. They’d hoped for an escape from her depression and anxiety; instead, stress and lack of sleep triggered her descent into a mixed state with psychosis. A mixed state, considered the most dangerous type of bipolar episode, is when someone experiences mania and depression at the same time. For her, that meant moods fluctuating between extremes of euphoria, fits of rage, and outbursts of despair.
Everything You Can’t Control is the memoir of how a mixed episode derailed Marisa’s life and relationships, and how—by reevaluating her beliefs and examining the choices she’d made—she fought her way back to reality and self-acceptance. The book grapples with questions of identity: How we see and treat others; how we see and treat ourselves.
The following excerpt is from the memoir.
Originally published on Catapult.